k8 the gr8 (krogers) wrote,
k8 the gr8

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pregnancy joy

I want to make a note now to myself to remember pregnancy as a very joyful time, because that's what it is (despite the discomfort and lack of sleep, etc).

In between all of the day-to-day things that go on as normal (work), when there is a pause, I just feel joy.  I feel blessed.  How can it be anything other than amazing to have another person living inside of you?  It's different than "hapiness" which is a more superficial, transient thing.  This is more a reverent awe.  Something so powerful and great it surpasses understanding of how it can be.  The thing about our babies is they are never really ours.  They are God's.  I knew this from the very beginning.  Especially when I was praying a lot for her to make it through those rough weeks in the first trimester when she was in a very vulnerable place.  I knew she was God's, and God was gracious and let us keep her.  A person doesn't own another person.  She's something greater than "mine."  She's more mine now than she'll ever be, though.  My mom told me that once you have your baby, it's everyone's baby (or at least everyone thinks it's theirs).  I can see how that would be true.  At least when she's inside of me, I have seriously much more control and direct effect on her than anyone else.  She also comes everywhere with me and eats everything with me, and I don't have to think about it or do anything special for that to be the case.  She's just always there.  Once she's born, this won't be the case.  She'll be out in the world and growing on her own.  I guess this is how parents get attached to their kids.  Before they are born, it's just so cool having them living and moving around inside.  I think I will miss all of these little movements once she is born and there's no longer a tiny person inside me.
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